fox

I felt like shit the entire day, and I did nothing. I hate days like this. It's like, I finally have a day off and I don't do anything. I wanted to do something productive but I felt too sick to.

I wish it was summer so I could take a long drive through the country, that's one of my favorite things about summer. I miss driving to Tipp City, taking 202 to see Jared and Savannah, 202 is my favorite road. Besides the Taylorsville Dam during the fall. The last time I actually spent quality time outside was with Robbie two months ago.

Ever since Jill's friend Jed died, I keep thinking about my friends, and how careless they can be sometimes. It makes me worry, I'm so scared to see someone I care about, die. I'd rather be the first to go, I don't know how I would cope with a loss like that.

My Mama Mae and Daddy George died a few years ago, but I mean, I was close to them, but not like my mom or any of my friends. I loved them so much, but I saw them once a year, so it was hard for me to get close to them.

I remember the summer after both of them had died, I went into their house with my grandmother and aunt and brother to get a few things when I was visiting down south, and I started crying almost immediately after we entered the house, it still smelled the same, it still LOOKED the same, nothing had changed, all my broken toys were in the same chest they had always been, the deer heads still hung in the family room that always scared me as a kid, their beds were made, I couldn't take it.

I couldn't imagine having to relive that every day.

I just value my friends and family a lot, and I'm starting to get paranoid about them getting hurt or dying.

Wow, this turned depressing.