fox

I haven't written in a while. I don't really know why I stopped writing, I guess I was just afraid what people would think about me.

Why do I do that?

Why do I even care what anyone thinks about me. I try to be a hardass and pretend like I don't care, but the truth is I care too much.

I was watching Bad Girls Club tonight (lol) and one of the girls got really pissed and angry at these girls who were talking shit about her at a restaurant she was at, and she started yelling at them, and then she just threw a drink in their face and got everyone kicked out.

I know I would never throw a drink in anyone's face, I haven't done that since junior high, but, I was thinking that I probably would have done the same thing, I probably would have tried to start something with them.

And then all her roommates weren't coming outside to her, or something, and she got really upset and was saying how they weren't there for her and stuff, and didn't care.

When she got home she started crying talking about how she didn't even know them but she cared about them already.

It's like she gets really pissed, makes a scene, and then cares what people think of her afterwards.

I'm the same way.

I have really learned to control my anger lately, I am A LOT better than I used to be, but it was kind of like, anytime I would hear that someone said something shitty about me to my face or behind my back, I immediately FREAKED OUT, and started something.

Like the army dude in Tipp City, he threatened to fucking fight me, and I was calling him out, when I get mad, I don't care. I'm not afraid to say what I want, or punch someone in the face.

I'm not saying that to sound like I think I'm a bad ass, because I know I'm not.

I'm extremely insecure.

I cry at the drop of a hat, I used to get pissed at the drop of a hat.

I don't know why I'm like this, but it's the way I am.

I don't even know what really brought this about, but anyway,

went to court today, found out that if I get pulled over with a suspended license again, I'll go to jail for 10 to 30 days.

Which bummed me out, but my grandparents and I are already getting things taken care of.

Talked to Jill for a while tonight, I love talking to her. It's weird because we haven't been close very long, but I know that she is here to stay. I just know. I've had friends that I was close with for a while, but I knew it was temporary. It's not temporary with her. She makes me laugh more than any other person, even more than Jay, and I can talk to her about anything and everything, and she understands.

Anywaysss, I think I'm going to bed. I have work tomorrow/today at 11.

I already know I'm going to be dragging my feet.